Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Dinner a la toilet

I recently saw a signature, I think it was on the baby center chat room, that said something like I breastfeed in public, but feel free to take your meal to the restroom. I just loved it. I wanted to have it for myself. I remember when Lillian was nursing and I was a new mom I was so scared of people seeing me nurse. I had never noticed women nursing in public and I always felt like there was a big spotlight on me. In hindsight, I see now that the fact that I had never notice any nursing mothers should have shown me that no one would probably notice me either. But I was too scared and timid and my husband was uncomfortable so I was uncomfortable. So I hid in bathrooms and dressing rooms or in my car. Then, I tried it. I think we were at a restaurant and we were a little secluded and no one said anything and my husband (bless him) didn't feel like everyone in the whole restaurant was thinking about my boobs or something like he was afraid of. Now, it is no big deal. It is so much not a big deal that I can't believe it ever was a big deal. There is a lady at my church and she nursed everywhere. I met her while I was pregnant with my baby, Isaac, and she really was/is an inspiration to me. In the middle of church she would nurse and she didn't feel like she needed to sit in the back and hide. I saw her walking around while she was nursing, which to me is like a miracle because I just can't figure that out. So after I had the baby I just went for it. I just nursed where ever I was and didn't act embarrassed and now, people tell me that I am so good at it- that they don't even notice that I am nursing. I still feel a bit, something- self-conscious?, but that is just me. I am very timid about my body, about people really noticing me or anything that draws attention to me or my body and I will just always be this way but something has changed in me. I asked my husband why he feels comfortable now with me nursing in public and he said, "I don't know. I guess I grew up." Maybe that is it with me, too. I view myself as a woman now. An actual card-carrying adult and if you have a problem with my son eating, go ahead and take your meal into the toilet.